A Cute Face is Definitely Hiding Something
by thenextgreatcouchpotato
Summary: KillxKagu Yes, you read that right. 24
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: People Who Make Good First Impressions Usually Suck 12

The smell of sukonbu followed the person as they stepped off the ship and onto this new planet. She left the landing area to inside a office space where she was to get 'legal papers' or something. Apparently the inhabitants were unaware that they were overrun by amanto. Pshh, idiots.

'_Environment too harsh for humans my ass, lazy bastards!_' she thought as she saw a bunch of the fleshy beings scramble to get her papers for a 'hunter exam' or something. They're latest client wanted a license for something. She didn't really care what, the pay was magnificent, but their dwindling cash only allowed for one of them to get one ticket.

'_Give them hell while I'm gone Sadaharu!_'

At the thought of her beloved companion, her blue eyes watered. It was an epic battle against the airport and a tearful goodbye, and she departed to the foreign planet alone.

Turns out this government was even more kiss-ass than the bafuku, and she got a free ride out of the middle of nowhere -the launch was secret- straight to the exam location.

She got excited when she was lead into a restaurant, but didn't even get to enjoy her steak with some clown weirdo that got there the same time as her staring at her. Seriously, who dresses like that? He was smiling creepily at her, it but she didn't bother to glance twice at him when there was food in front of her.

She was given a plate with the number 43 and immediately put it on her butt just for the hell of it. The doors opened up to a room full of ugly old men -in her eyes- that all turned to sneer at the two of them. She admitted, they probably attracted a lot of attention, with his weirdness and her orange hair and red outfit. She most likely radiated awesomeness anyway. She couldn't blame them. Weirdo ignored her and walked away, which she was silently glad for. She didn't want to hear whatever would end up coming out of his mouth.

She spent a lllooooonnnnngggg time in that room. She was bored out of her mind and her stomach was yelling death threats at that point. She was forced to move her number to her chest to sit comfortably. She used the stream of incoming people to keep track of time, but it wasn't very reliable. The only thing that could make it worse would be sitting out in the sun. It was around number 289 that one of the many grubby old men approached her. He was number 16.

"Hi! I'm Tompa!" She wasn't too judgmental of appearance, as she was friends with a bunch of weirdos, but she could tell that this guy was going to be plain annoying. She only half listened to him with her finger up her nose. She flicked a particularly slimy one at him as he was bragging about being a veteran of the exam.

"Doesn't that mean you suck?" She completely stopped paying attention to the loser as he tried to redeem himself and only sat up from her bored posture when her offered her something to drink. She grabbed and chugged it, not really caring what it tasted like.

"Hey old man! How many more of these d'you got?" He continued to talk at her while supplying a seemingly endless amount of cans. It gave her an unpleasant twinge in her bowels, but she shrugged it off.

Around the arrival of person number 311, Tompa started to look nervous. When the girl was busy with her new can, her mumbled to himself, "How is this possible? Such a powerful laxative..." Unfortunately for him, she finished quickly and heard him.

"Is that what it is? You were lookin' kinda constipated-aru. Lax...ative... Isn't that what Zura puts on curry?" By the time she was finished, Tompa was gone. "Pshh, coward. I wasn't full."

By number 353, she was once again bored of the inside of her nose and the people around her, so she left her spot to find something to eat.

Tompa was nowhere to be found, but she did find someone to talk to that knew what sukonbu was. She forgot his name as soon as he said her favourite snack was disgusting. He claimed to be a ninja, but she found herself comparing him to the ninjas in Edo, and found him a lot less amusing. So he didn't even earn the name ninja-man, but was stuck with bald-dude (Baldy was taken by her father) for the rest of the time he would know her.

She got bored with bald-dude by 384.

Continuing her hunt for Tompa, she tried to see over people by jumping on top of heads. She pissed quite a few people off, but found it fun and postponed her search to jump around a bit. She went for the people that weren't paying attention or looked like they had slow reflexes, but still had a couple bad run ins with some snakes and knives. she spotted Tompa up on some pipes by 401, but he had already accosted another group by the time she was able to find a safe path back over there. She got there just in time to see a boy around her age (405) spit out one of Tompa's drinks.

"It tastes very bad! I think it's expired!"

"You think so?" Tompa chuckled nervously. She saw her opportune moment.

"Hey old man! You look all constipated again. You tryin' ta feed more people your 'laxative' again?" Two glares were sent Tompa's way. He slunk off, but she didn't care anymore. These people were more interesting.

"What's a laxative?" Asked the boy in green.

"Don't know-aru." She answered, nor did she care. She was about to start the conversation, but the boy beat her to the punch.

"Oh yeah! My name's Gon, what's yours?"

"Kagura, Queen of the Kabuki district."

**I Don't Even Own the Chapter Title.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: A Person Who's Picky with Food is also Picky with Humans. 78

"You're a queen? That's so cool!" No one got a chance to correct Gon as a loud timer went off.

"LiLiLiLi- I'm here. Reception time is over. The exam begins now!" It was another weirdo that looked like he didn't have a mouth. Did the artist just get lazy or something? A least they'd finally be able to do something. "This way please."

Kagura tuned out the rest of his speech. She only payed attention again when some kid flew by her group on a skateboard.

"Hey kid that's not allowed this an endurance test!" The old man in the suit yelled. Kagura ignored him to look at the boy with the silver hair. Was this what Gin-chan looked like as a kid? What would this kid look like with a natural perm?

He pointed at Gon. "How old are you?"

"Twelve!"

He hopped off his board to run beside Gon. "I'm going to run too. I'm Killua."

"I'm Gon!" Gon introduced the other two after the old man finished shouting about something. Apparently the old man was named Leorio and the blonde was Kurapika. "-and that's Kagura! She's a queen!"

Kagura took her finger out of her nose and flicked in the general direction of the old m- Leorio. "You may address me as milady or your majesty."

Killua looked apprehensive. "Queen of what?"

"The Kabuki district of Edo. The city of thugs and gangs."

"So you're not really royalty.""Cool! So does that make you a thug?"

You can guess which one came from Gon. It was also the one she chose to answer.

"Why I'm the biggest, baddest thug of them all! By the way kid," she turned to Killua. "You never told us how old you were."

"I'm 12 too."

"Oh, ho ho ho! Screw all that majesty crap then! I am the mighty age of 13! So I -as your elder- will allow you to call me Kagura-sempai! And as your sempai, I command that you give me all your food!" The silence was filled with sweatdrops and a growling stomach.

About six hours later, Kagura, Killua, and Gon were at the front. Gon asked why they wanted to be hunters.

"I heard it was hard and thought it'd be interesting, but I'm disappointed." Killua said.

"Someone paid me to go get a license for him." Kagura said bluntly.

"Really? Why would they do that?" asked Killua asked.

"I don't know. They're probably some weakling that couldn't get it themselves."

"Yeah! Kurapika said you have access to lots of stuff, and Leorio said that you can sell it for a lot of money!" Gon added. Kagura filed that away for later.

"No but why would they pay a kid to do it? Why do you need a job in the first place?"

"I ran away from home-aru." She suck her finger in her nose and tried to look nonchalant. She had gotten a firm talking to on the drive there about not revealing that she was an alien, so she stuck with vague answers. She wouldn't usually listen to some stick-up-their-butt government worker, but they were paying for her food.

"Hmm, me too. So why do you want to be a hunter Gon?"

Minutes later they saw the exit of the tunnel. The three were the first to see the stretch ahead of them. Once everyone had got there, the examiner identified it as the crooks' nest.

"That's false! He's an imposter!" Everyone turned to a roughed-up guy carrying a dead monkey thing. "This is a monkey that lives in the swamp. These monkey-men like fresh flesh. They're pretty weak overall, but they know our language and trick people into going into the swamp where their monster friends capture the prey!"

Kagura interjected, "If they're weak why are you so beat-up?" She was ignored. Suddenly, three cards flew into the man's face. He fell over dead. The monkey then shot up and tried to run but was soon killed the same way.

"Hehe, now that's all cleared up." the creepy clown -no magician, as she remembered Tompa describing him- that had thrown the cards said as he shuffled his deck. She was right, his voice made him even creepier. She tuned out the rest and watched as birds came to feed on the two monkeys. Interesting. Monkeys that can talk. That's not much different than some of the amantos.

"And they didn't let me bring Sadaharu?"

"Who?" asked Killua.

"Sadaharu's my dog. He's this tall." She loved talking about her friend, and Gon described the animals on whale island until they ran into the fog.

"We should move to the front. I say we get away from Hisoka. He wants to kill somebody. No doubt he'll use the fog." Kagura turned to look at the clown-man. He had a look that she had seen on other Yato faces many times before.

"Yeah that guy wants blood. You can feel it from here-aru!" And she could, but instead of feeling fear like prey, her blood wanted to rise to to challenge. Kagura found a distraction laughing with Killua at the look on Gon's face.

"Ha! I know because he and I are the same." She could tell that Gon didn't get it.

"You don't look the same." Now Killua could tell too.

"You shouldn't go by appearances."

"What about Kagura-sempai?"

"Don't actually call her that! And she's just a weirdo."

"Says the person with white hair! What are you, a useless old man in disguise?"

"That would make me older than you, the little girl with pink hair."

Their argument was interrupted by Gon shouting back to Leorio and Kurapika. She was then distracted by all the animals that started appearing.

She jumped back in the conversation when Killua was saying something about praying not to hear your friends crying out.

"Did you see the frogs? They were cute." Someone screamed in the mist and people started shouting names. "Leorio!" From Gon. "Gon!" Killua. So Kagura shouted "Megane!" to fit in. Gon ran off.

"So...d'you see the frog?"

~Break~

"Did you use some kind of special attack? I thought I'd never see you again!" Gon explained how he found us. "Thanks to his aftershave! You're not ordinary!"

"It's not too weird, I can smell a barbecue pretty far away when I'm hungry." Kagura disagreed.

"Groaaaa!"

"Think it's an animal that's going to attack?" asked Killua.

"Sounds like someone's hungry-aru." Kagura's stomach made an answering growl. The doors creeped open to reveal a girl and a huge man. The woman announced that the second exam would be cooking. Surprise went throughout the crowd.

"Roast pork! That's what I like best!"

Everyone ran into the forest to find a pig. Kagura was the first to run into the herd of great stump. She kicked one into a tree then hit another on the head when she heard Gon yell out their weakness. She was the first one to feed her pig to the big man.

"Hey kid, why do you have two?" The skimpily clad lady asked.

"I'm hungry!" Kagura sat next to the line and started on her pig. The rest of the candidates were almost as amazed to see the little girl scarf down one whole pig as they were to see the giant eat 70 of them.

"Seventy people pass! I'm warning you though, it won't be as easy with me! I want sushi!" Kagura had finished her pig now and was approaching her comrades.

"This is gunna be easy-aru!" She was in a good mood. You only had to feed her one. The rest was free food.

"You know what sushi is Kagura?"

"I lived in Japan, and I helped Madao with his part time job at a sushi bar."

When she saw the work stations, she snuck away (like the curry ninja she is) to find fish. She didn't want everyone to steal her food. Unfortunately, she got hopelessly lost in the jungle. She never did find any water, but she did find another herd of the giant pigs and grabbed one for a snack. After a couple more hours (as it seemed) of wandering around, Kagura saw an airship landing and followed it back to the area of the second test. She joined the crowed and boarded with everyone else. She couldn't seem to find her friends anywhere on the airship, so she waited till they landed and waited for them to get off.

"Where have you been?" Asked the ol-Leorio when she approached them.

"Around." She answered, digging in her nose. He was so boring.

She turned to someone she would actually talk to. "What's going on-aru?"

"Going to make boiled eggs!" Gon answered.

"Why?"

"You don't know? The test could be over and you wouldn't even have known you failed!" a certain someone shouted in the background.

Blah, blah, blah. He was so loud. The inside of her ear was more interesting than him...

"Wow! I guess she's pretty lucky huh!" Gon said optimistically.

They went to catch up to everyone else. Apparently, they were at the top of a mountain.

There were a couple gasps and attention was brought to where the examiner had jumped off the edge.

"Did she give up?" Kagura asked. A bunch of failures for candidates seemed like a terrible reason to kill yourself.

The old man started droning in the background, but she only started to pay attention when the lady popped back up with food.

Kagura was in heaven when she tried one of the eagle eggs. They were delicious. Why didn't they have these in Edo? She should just live here when she gets her money and eat their yummy food. Then Gin-chan and Megane would miss her and then they'd be sorry for sending her alone!

~Break~

They had finished exploring and were admiring the view, when Gon asked, "Hey Killua, do you have parents?" Kagura didn't know why anyone would ask that. Everyone has parents, unless some people were created in a lab on this planet (which would explain a lot).

"Yeah, of course."

"What do they do?"

"Assassins." Kagura was looking foreword to something ridiculous as the punch-line, but wasn't really surprised to hear that. She would have said something along the lines of 'that explains why you're so messed up', but without the strait-man, it wouldn't be as funny as there was no one to point out the irony, and the whole thing would be messed up.

"Both of them?" Besides, Gon had already beat her to it. Killua started laughing.

"You're the first person to take me seriously and ask that!"

"But it's the truth right?"

**A/N: I tried and tried and tried again to end this somehow, but I couldn't figure it out without writing a couple more pages, so I just cut it off…not one of my best moves.**


End file.
